Jailhouse Jocularity
Guy ‘The Grifter’ Gussman,
A swindler from East Ryde
Was sentenced in a court of law
To fifteen months inside.
They took him to cell twenty-two
And placed him with a man
Imprisoned for embezzlement,
Best known as ‘Dodgy Dan.’
That first night, once the lights were out
A silence seemed to fall,
Then, ‘Number twenty-three!’
Guy heard a nearby prisoner call.
Well, the inmates started laughing
And it scarcely died away
When, ‘Number six!’ he clearly heard
Another prisoner say.
Again they started laughing,
Even louder than before;
Big Bill in cell eleven roared,
‘Come on – let’s have some more!'
No sooner did he say this
When some bloke yelled, ‘Number ten!’
And instantly the prison block
Went up in fits again.
Well, Guy just sat there baffled,
With his curiosity
Of course aroused a lot about
This penitentiary…
But before he had a chance to ask,
‘Lads, Number thirty-one!’
Dan called. – The place erupted!
Big Bill shouted, ‘Good one, son!’
Then someone hollered, ‘Number four!’
It nearly caused a riot!
By then, the prison guards came in
And bade them all be quiet!
Well, once things grew more silent,
Guy asked Dan, ‘Why all this fun?’
What is it with these numbers?
What’s so funny ‘bout each one?’
Dan said, ‘The nights are long here
So a while ago us blokes
Thought up some ways to put in time,
And started telling jokes…
But it took time to tell some,
Then Big Bill, who’s rather bright
Said, ‘Give each joke a number
And we’ll get through more each night!
So, we memorised those numbers
And, when we hear some bloke
Shout a certain one to us,
We recognise the joke!
We’ve have heard them all so many times,
We know them off by heart,
So just calling out each number
Will make the laughter start.’
Then Dan said, ‘Guy, just listen –
I’ll do Number fifty-four!’
Sure, once again the laughter broke
Out, like it did before!
‘Do you think that I could try one?’
Asked Guy. Dan said, ‘Why not!’
So he shouted, ‘Number sixty!’
Well – what a laugh it got!
‘That was a good one, Guy,’
Said Dan. ‘Try Number forty-one
And you will be a big hit here,
That’s one firm favourite, son!’
It worked a treat – they laughed so hard
Guy thought that they might choke!
‘You’re doing well, mate,’ Bill guffawed,
‘Give us another joke!’
So Guy, with mighty vigour
Shouted, ‘Number ninety-eight!’
Well, the whole cell block went crazy
And the noise would not abate!
The prisoners went hysterical
And all but raised the roof,
‘Till once again, the guards charged in
And there was much reproof.
Well, once things settled down a bit
Guy said, ‘Dan, I’m amazed –
That must’ve been a cracking joke,
The laughter that it raised!’
Then Dan replied, ‘Guy, go to sleep,
We’ve laughed so much we’re sore –
That Number ninety-eight was one
We hadn’t heard before!’
© Robert E. Wilson.
Illustration by Kathryn Bannister.
(A 'grifter' is a petty swindler, a con artist.)
Guy ‘The Grifter’ Gussman,
A swindler from East Ryde
Was sentenced in a court of law
To fifteen months inside.
They took him to cell twenty-two
And placed him with a man
Imprisoned for embezzlement,
Best known as ‘Dodgy Dan.’
That first night, once the lights were out
A silence seemed to fall,
Then, ‘Number twenty-three!’
Guy heard a nearby prisoner call.
Well, the inmates started laughing
And it scarcely died away
When, ‘Number six!’ he clearly heard
Another prisoner say.
Again they started laughing,
Even louder than before;
Big Bill in cell eleven roared,
‘Come on – let’s have some more!'
No sooner did he say this
When some bloke yelled, ‘Number ten!’
And instantly the prison block
Went up in fits again.
Well, Guy just sat there baffled,
With his curiosity
Of course aroused a lot about
This penitentiary…
But before he had a chance to ask,
‘Lads, Number thirty-one!’
Dan called. – The place erupted!
Big Bill shouted, ‘Good one, son!’
Then someone hollered, ‘Number four!’
It nearly caused a riot!
By then, the prison guards came in
And bade them all be quiet!
Well, once things grew more silent,
Guy asked Dan, ‘Why all this fun?’
What is it with these numbers?
What’s so funny ‘bout each one?’
Dan said, ‘The nights are long here
So a while ago us blokes
Thought up some ways to put in time,
And started telling jokes…
But it took time to tell some,
Then Big Bill, who’s rather bright
Said, ‘Give each joke a number
And we’ll get through more each night!
So, we memorised those numbers
And, when we hear some bloke
Shout a certain one to us,
We recognise the joke!
We’ve have heard them all so many times,
We know them off by heart,
So just calling out each number
Will make the laughter start.’
Then Dan said, ‘Guy, just listen –
I’ll do Number fifty-four!’
Sure, once again the laughter broke
Out, like it did before!
‘Do you think that I could try one?’
Asked Guy. Dan said, ‘Why not!’
So he shouted, ‘Number sixty!’
Well – what a laugh it got!
‘That was a good one, Guy,’
Said Dan. ‘Try Number forty-one
And you will be a big hit here,
That’s one firm favourite, son!’
It worked a treat – they laughed so hard
Guy thought that they might choke!
‘You’re doing well, mate,’ Bill guffawed,
‘Give us another joke!’
So Guy, with mighty vigour
Shouted, ‘Number ninety-eight!’
Well, the whole cell block went crazy
And the noise would not abate!
The prisoners went hysterical
And all but raised the roof,
‘Till once again, the guards charged in
And there was much reproof.
Well, once things settled down a bit
Guy said, ‘Dan, I’m amazed –
That must’ve been a cracking joke,
The laughter that it raised!’
Then Dan replied, ‘Guy, go to sleep,
We’ve laughed so much we’re sore –
That Number ninety-eight was one
We hadn’t heard before!’
© Robert E. Wilson.
Illustration by Kathryn Bannister.
(A 'grifter' is a petty swindler, a con artist.)